Entropy Gate

Okay…so where were we?

Bad vs Evil.

And you are?

That little voice.

I see. That little voice. Some might call you a conscience.

No, not THAT little voice…the one you use for dramatic moments when you need to narrate using a secondary primary. Like on Magnum P.I. when he would talk to the audience.

So…he was talking to everyone, not just me.

Are you ill?

A joke. Calm down. Now, on to business. Evil. I believe in the Devil.

THANK YOU MY CHILD OF DARKNESS!

Back off pal. I believe you exist. I don’t worship you.

@!!#%

Yeah, well, don’t be so gullible.

YOU’RE ONE TO TALK.

Oh?

SURE. YOU ATTRIBUTE EVERY WRONG DOING, EVERY MISTAKE, EVERY FAUX PAS TO ME!

Ha, I knew Satan was French.

WHAT?

Maybe some people attribute all of their ill happenings to you, but I don’t think you’re that talented.

OH YEAH, WATCH THIS.

What? I didn’t see anything.

THIRTEEN CHILDREN IN AFRICA JUST DIED OF AIDS.

And you’re claiming responsibility for that?

SURE. I’M REALLY EVIL. I GET AROUND. I SPREAD AIDS. I SPREAD VENERIAL DESEASE. I INVENTED MONOPOLY.

Actually you spread temptation. Men and women…and sometimes men and men, spread disease…Parker Bros. created monopoly.

FINE. YA GOT ME THERE. BUT I INSPIRED MONOPOLY.

What? How?

REMEMBER MY COUP? IT WAS A MONOPOLY! I TRIED TAKING OVER HEAVEN, BUT BLAST IF GABRIEL, MICHAEL, STEVE AND A BUNCH OF OTHER ANGELS DIDN’T KICK MY SORRY-

Hold on their you rascally devil…this is a family show. Steve?

WELL I CALL HIM STEVE. HE WAS ON THE FRONT LINES AND HE REALLY DID SOME DAMAGE. I DON’T KNOW. GETTING KICKED OUT OF HEAVEN KIND OF CAUSES YOU TO PRIORATIZE CERTAIN THINGS AND NAMES AREN’T REALLY THAT IMPORTANT WHEN YOU’RE A BURNING CINDER FALLING TO EARTH.

Serves you right.

I SHALL SMITE THEE.

No one smites these day.

FINE. I SHALL CAUSE YOU FINANCIAL DAMAGE!

Been there...done that...am doing that, actually...

ILLNESS. MULTIPLE HOSPITAL VISITS FOR YOUR FAMILY. YOU WILL CRY AS YOU SEE YOUR CHILDREN UNDERGO MANY EXAMS AS DOCTORS PICK THEIR NOSES AND PLAY WITH POSSIBLE DIAGNOSISE.

Oh yeah…that is soooo last year.

VERY WELL, I SHALL DESTROY YOUR VAN TWO DAYS AFTER YOU PAY IT OFF. THEN, AS IT IS PARKED BEHIND YOUR GARAGE, I SHALL MOTIVATE A SNOOPY NEIGHBOR TO REPORT IT AS AN ABANDONDED VEHICAL GIVING YOU 20 DAYS TO MOVE IT. WHEN YOU TRY TO MOVE IT, YOU SHALL SLIP AND FALL. YOUR FACE WILL COLIDE WITH THE HOOD AND YOUR CHEEK SHALL BE CUT BY THE PONTIAC ORNAMANT ADORNING YOUR CAPATALISTIC PRIZE. YOUR TOE SHALL BE CUT ON THE PAVEMENT AND YOUR ELBOW GASHED BY SMALL ROCKS.

Uh…yeah…you aren’t really Satan…are you?

BUT ALL OF THIS SHALL COME TO PA-

It all happened tonight. I slipped on gravel. Tomorrow I’m meeting with a friend from church at a coffee shop and he’s praying with me regarding my book, the van, the finances, Saint Francis-

THAT’S RIGHT. THE UNIVERSITY OF SAINT FRANCIS...I SHALL SMITE THEE THERE.

All ready smitten, pal. You missed that one. They excell at smiting. But honestly, you aren’t Lucifer…are you.

CURSES! FOUND OUT AGAIN. SEE, SATAN’S NOT OMNICIENT SO WE HAVE TO FILL IN SOMETIMES.

And you are?

FRANK…A MINOR DEMON. THE BIG "L" IS OFF PLAYING CHESS WITH DEATH AND I HAVE TO WATCH THE PHONES BECAUSE ALL OF THE OTHER DEMONS ARE AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY.

I love Halloween. My kids are going Trick or Treating.

REALLY, MAYBE WE’LL SEE YOU.

I’ll probably stab you with a cross or read Lamentation to you if I see you.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Alright…starting tomorrow…I promise to talk about Bad vs Evil.